It's just after dawn, and Tiffani Bender searches the rubble in vain for her favorite thong. "It's honey-colored and says 'Sweet Nectar' on the front. It was a Christmas present from my bf Shane," Bender laments.
Bender is just one of hundreds of Party Girls whose mid-summer party break on South Padre Island was ruined by the terror of Hurricane Dolly. Suitcases full of babydoll tees, zip-front hoodie tees and faux wrap tees were ripped from hotel rooms, leaving Party Girls without appropriate party attire for tonight's Margarita Mayhem bash at Palm St. Pier.
"It totally sucks big ones," cried Steffi Plattimore from her beachfront deck. "Thursdays are the best night to go out, and I have nothing to wear." Behind Plattimore, the waves gently batted around a pair of shorts that read 'Naughty Grrrrrl' across the buttocks. A sign that Plattimore isn't the only Party Girl short a wardrobe.
South Padre reveler Anna Koustos shared this harrowing tale: "Last night I was at Dirty Dave's Deck. (Katy Perry's hit single) 'I Kissed A Girl' came on, and I looked around and there were only like 5 or 6 girls making out with each other. It was soooo sad. Usually there's like, I don't know, a hundred? My friend Sandi had to make out with a guy during 'I Kissed a GIRL', because I was kissing Molly. How tacky is that?"
The statistics tell the real story of the damage. Body shots are down 26% on the island since the storm hit. Flashing breasts at cameras is down 18%. Random hook-ups are down a eye-popping 67%.
"This is, like, I don't even know how to say it. It's bad," said Bender, now forced to wear a T-shirt she won at Coconuts on Monday in a jello-related contest. "I'm still going out tonight and getting retarded, I don't care. At least there's always the option of just not wearing underwear." That kind of optimism is sure to be a catalyst for a return to normal for Party Girl Nation. Until then, a world watches and waits.